I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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