Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
