She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
