after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
