so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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