im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
