I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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