Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
