My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
