i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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