Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A+ Viking dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
