I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
