U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
