I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
