Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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