my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
