i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
