Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
