Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
