LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
