i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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