Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize