how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
