i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You pole danced in your parka.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
