So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
