I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
