...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
