Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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