I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
