ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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