i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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