he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
