I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
