How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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