fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sober January is a disaster.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
