Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
