It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
