So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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