Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
