doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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