Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
