Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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