You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
