It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
