Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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