All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did you just send me my own nude
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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