They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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