anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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