I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I DEMAND FORESKIN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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