Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize