the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
