The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
