Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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