Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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