4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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