Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
