Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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