An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
