11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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