Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
