you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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