they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
