Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
