Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
