Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize