I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
