I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize