Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
