I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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