I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
