Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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