i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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