My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize