WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
