They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize