woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
