I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
