what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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