I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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