Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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