Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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