Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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