My nipple is on Facebook.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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