it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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