If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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