I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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