i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
