waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize