you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
