my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
