i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
