I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
