I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
