Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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