Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize