A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
