suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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