So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
