I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
