I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
