a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
