Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
