Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
