some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
