Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize