***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
