Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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