seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize