I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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