who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
